Symptoms

Someone suggested making a list of the wierdest PMDD symptoms and I think it's a good idea, just so i know what to expect next month. So so far this month i've had:

Neediness
Loneliness
Road Rage/Anger
Tears
Paranoia when stressed
Restlessness - unable to pin down how i feel but unable to focus on anything
Boredom
Struggling to concentrate on work and tv
Need to write more  - both in texts and blogging (i remember my emails get much longer from before the HRT)
Depression - Mild, tempered by the fact i've bought a flat which is a happy moment in my life (however the news that my mortgage had been approved cheered me up for approximately 20 mins, thats all)
Sudden starvation attacks late afternoon (even after eating - perhaps dark chocolate isn't such a good afternoon snack in the 2 days preceding my period)
Food cravings - for gherkins
Woozy feeling in brain - like a dizziness/floaty/detached sort of feeling or like the level of some neurotransmitter was increasing...is the best way i can describe it.
Withdrawal from the world - markedly less interest in going out/usual activities
Lack of motivation
Sleepiness/yawning
Insomnia - a couple of times
Higher sex drive
Mild Anxiety
Pyschological feeling of nausea (not in stomach, stronger)
Sore throat/mouth ulcers
IBS&nausea
Migraines
Knee joint pain?

I guess some of these symptoms may be being triggered by the stress of buying a flat, combined with my period being late. I've highlighted the ones that I think will be my biggest problem, most of which have returned only since stopping progesterone. I'm struck by the similarity of these particular symptoms with Borderline Personality traits. I wonder how many women with PMDD, actually have Borderline Personality Traits that just get more pronounced in the luteal phase. And i wonder if my period is putting me in touch with these feelings in an attempt to heal myself? And to heal emotional pain, is to be with that pain, and identify the thoughts that cause them, long enough to process the emotions.

Confessions of a Lunatic

The crimson tide is 4 days late and i'm starting to worry..  as my symptoms aren't very pronounced or frequent. It was suggested that it's lateness could be down to the Lunar Eclipse. I haven't read much into this but have been recommended this page:
http://www.aquariuspapers.com/

I've been craving gherkins a lot and getting sudden starvation 'attacks' the last two days. Along with fuzzy migraines which don't develop into a migraine - thats a first!! I wonder if all the dark chocolate, fat and protein i've eaten this month has helped? My mood was pretty good this week, except getting road rage twice. Unfortunately Enfield is home to many dangerous drivers, and i flipped the finger twice at a couple of impatient nobsters. Breath. Breath deeply.

Here's hoping my monthly friend arrives in the next hour before i drive into the back of someone which i've been temped to do occasionally...

Slowly rolling towards the edge of an abyss..... ? (first month off HRT)

Well the tiredness continues... had a migraine by the time i left work and didnt' have the energy to go swimming. Didn't sleep particularly well, although i got to sleep by 1am but felt i was awake early, but not properly awake, just half-awake for ages....not resting properly. I don't think i'm more tired than i was on the progesterone, that was worse, but my motivation to get up and do stuff isworse... So i still stayed in bed most of Sunday. I'm losing motivation/will power to do anything. I feel like my life is slipping away from me slowly, even though my mood is still positive currently because i'm buying a flat! I just feel more 'withdrawn' and distant from the world/less interested/couldn't give a fuck anymore. I also feel more needy/texts to my support 'network' are getting longer&more frequent and more paranoid... 

I've become very suspicious of people, even sometimes of people i trust. I feel like bad things could happen, out of good things, i'm worrying more. I'm more scared of relationships. I feel it's a downhill, slippery slope back to PMDD hell now. I regret coming off the hormone treatment already, except for the fact that my stomach does feel a lot better. But i'm wondering if that will be worth it and if i can take another month of moving closer to depression. I'm thinking of trying the contraceptive pill Yasmin, already. But part of me wonders if it was birth control that caused these mood disruptions in the first place, upset my body's natural balance

The last week (before my period) was ok, except I kept waking up early and sort of dozing, so never felt properly rested. It was a quiet week at work so no mood swings. Except for getting quite stressed and anxious over a mortgage application question. Im very tired. I have still been feeling sick and stomach slightly upset, but i put that down to slipping up and eating wheat/stuff i shouldn't, by accident. The sickness got worse the day before i was due. Also i felt really restless/disgusted in the UK politics/paranoid and tearful, and couldn't concentrate on studies that day. But by the evening i was feeling better, however i then developed a pain in my stomach and felt really sick after dinner. The paranoia got worse the few days before my period and went from just people i didn't like, to people i care about. :( I hate this disorder and not being able to talk about it, except here and the PMDD facebook group. How do you explain to someone that your hormones make you feel persecuted for two weeks every month? Typical response it disbelief or 'it's all in your head'. I know that but the feelings still bringing me down!

I've ordered some Maca powder, which is supposed to help balance hormones, i will keep you posted. 

Stopped progesterone this month YAY

This is my first month off the progesterone and oestrogen implants altogether. I've been on them 8 years total and they were the only treatment that really helped. Although they never got rid of my mood swings completely, they did stop me developing depression again. My stomach is feeling a lot better, so i am happy about that. 
I've been really busy but been sleeping well. But still been feeling tired. Also my head feels foggy. And i am struggling to concentrate at work. But hopefully it's just because i've been so busy...
The tiredness lasted all week, and i have another week to go before my period. I couldn't study at the weekend i was so exhausted and my mood dropped, although mostly i just feel withdrawn and unmotivated. I stayed in bed all Sunday, although i couldn't sleep because took a Solpadeine for migraine, and then woke up slightly earlier than i wanted. Lets hope next week is better as i'm starting to regret coming off treatment even though i had to for my stomach's sake...

Friggin' GPs!!!!

Went back to the same GP i saw last time and only had a couple of minor requests. A) A blood test for iron B) THEY requested to see ME about my allergy medication and C) i thought i'd ask about vitamin testing while they were doing my iron test anyway. So I thought it would be in and out. But she failed to understand the first sentence out my mouth which was that the chemist had told me the doctor surgery had requested to see me about Flixonase medication. She immediately fired back 'how are you getting on with your medication?'. I said 'fine, its treating the allergy great, thanks'. Then she started asking me what allergy i was taking it for? and how i knew I had it? Slightly confusing since her surgery had diagnosed it in the first palce! I said dust mite and i had a skin prick test. And she asked me what i thought was causing the allergy, as if i was making it up??? I humoured her and repeated the advise the doctor at the allergy clinic had given me. I didn't really want to be wasting my time with this small talk but she seemed interested in discussing it. Turns out she thought i'd just been down to the health food shop to have an allergy test or something!!! WTF? So now i have to prove conditions that they've diagnosed me with on previous visits? She was the one that gave me the prescription for Flixonase last time and told me it was a good medication!! Then she brings up the new software that tries to get you to take cheaper medications to save them money. She said the NHS could save a whole flipping 26 pounds a year if i switched back to Beconase nasal spray - wooopidoo. I previously used to take Beconase, but pointed out that the allergy doctor had told me Beconase is bad for you as the steroids pass into your blood stream. Typical NHS want you to take the worst medicines to save some cash.

Then i said i needed a blood test form for an iron test and she asked why, and i replied 'because I've finished the iron pills you gave me'. Then she tried to question why i was on them (cause your surgery fucking prescribed them, bitch, for LOW IRON). She also wanted to look up my nose to see if i had any polyps from my allergies, i humoured her and let her. Since she was poking around, i mentioned i had white spots on my tongue and had spit up blood that morning and had been getting sore throats, she seemed totally uninterested and said i had a 'perfectly normal' looking tongue, in a very patronising voice. I then broached the subject of zinc (as i'd done the zinc sulphate test for zinc deficiency) and vitamin testing. And here follows the most patronising speech about how 'she thought' i had generalised anxiety disorder, i replied 'i don't get panic attacks or anxiety', and she said well perhaps i had it over my health. Fucking BITCH. She asked me why i thought i might be deficient in any vitamins - and i replied because i've had low iron since i became gluten free, and because being vegetarian and glutenfree is not recommended at the same time.. She then told me that low iron was normal in women but did agree that it wasn't ideal.  I tried to tell her i was always fine before i went gluten free. She carried on with her stupid 'counselling' voice. I said if you can't do the vitamin tests here can you write me a private referral letter please, as i've already enquired with a private hospital. She said Yes. Great!!

I left feeling fucking irritated but proud of myself for not reacting as much as usual to her taunting behaviour. Seeing NHS GP's is always a trial but i'm finally managing to contain my anger as it doesn't help me. I needed to vent here though. I'm glad i'm only taking allergy medicines now because i can minimize contact with GPs altogether, except to get my iron checked once a year (which i'm sure they will try to get out of as well now). So how am i being overanxious about my health when i'm asking for tests for things the doctors have told me i have? :S They should check patient stress levels as they are leaving doctor's surgeries, they might get a nasty shock at how bad they are at being 'compassionate'. I guess most of them are just in it for the money though!

In 1986, Linus C. Pauling, PhD, (1901-1994), recipient of two Nobel Prizes, gave us this advice:

“Don’t let either the medical authorities or the politicians mislead you. Find out what the facts are, and make your own decisions about how to live a happy life and how to work for a better world.”

Vitamins and frustration with GP's

Since i started taking the Solgar vitamins i felt happier, coincidence? I also took 5 htp this month (and picamilon) and they definately help, so i have some hormonal support if i need it. I had a Spa and a massage the week before&during my period. I still felt 'wiped out' with tiredness but i haven't been so moody :-)

Had a run in with my GP on Tuesday though, fed up of doctors being so patronising, and i know it's not just to me - they are like this with anyone who has a health problem that isn't cancer or heart disease - dismissive, uncaring, unhelpful - the very opposite of what you are expecting. I know this from speaking to friends and family. It was partly my fault because i've had insomnia a lot this week and so I didnt explain myself properly. She started acting like she was counselling me just because i asked them to prove i had Gilbert's syndrome with the genetic test (and also asked for a test for ceoliac disease again). And she said i was obsessed with tests! Excuse me for wanting a proper diagnosis!! I was so furious when i left the surgery I wrote her a letter however therapist pointed out to me that at least she was trying to understand. And also apparently lots of people present themselves to GP's with physical problems, which are actually psychological, and so they do have to ask these kind of questions. I guess i never appreciated that. I've always hated the implication that I am a hypochondriac/have issues because A) no-one 'understands' PMDD unless they suffer hormone problems too or B) they work at the Hammersmith hospital PMS clinic. And so i've spent my whole life argueing with doctor's about my hormones. And even the caring GP's seem to know nothing about the commonest side-effects of drugs they are prescribing, perhaps because they don't bother reporting them to the drug companies which is part of their ACTUAL JOB!!! But why would the patient know anything about side-effects, i mean why would we have a brain too if we aren't a medical 'professional'?

Cyberchondria

I'm sick of developing new health conditions!!! FFS At least ones that no-one else has heard of, and therefore think i've made up.

I found out in the space of a fortnight, that i have a dust mite allergy (allergic rhinitus) and Gilberts syndrome (a benign liver disorder). My colleague joked, trust you to get such a geeky sounding disorder, which cheered me up a little. Also my iron stores are still low, and have been since i became gluten-free. Of course they aren't life-threatening, but they do all cause fatigue. Gilberts would explain a lot. I seem to have 'grain' intolerance which is a symptom, and i'm always tired, another symptom. And i cannot go 5 minutes without a meal, another sign since fasting brings it on?! Interestingly the enzyme which is deficient in Gilbert's sydrome also metabolises all the sex steroid hormones, so i wonder if there is any link between Gilberts and PMDD or whether Gilberts makes my PMDD worse since periods can trigger jaundice in this disorder.
This very comprehensive website seems to link Gilbert's with allergies and other disorders:
http://www.gilbertssyndrome.com/

So currently my list of chronic and exhausting conditions is:

PMDD

Migraine

IBS/gluten intolerance

Allergies to pollen and dustmites

Gilberts syndrome
Low iron stores

Incidently the first 4 disorders are linked to dysfunction of the serotonin axis, i've been told by a professor. And most probably stress-related.

I guess i should be grateful for my 'good health' though! Anyway this is the one place i am allowed to moan...it's my body and i'll cry if i want to!